Mother of God, Mother's Guide

Dear Mother O’Blessed are you,
How can I love these children with the love you gave your son? He was, is and always shall be God. How do I gaze lovingly upon that jelly stained face and feet decorated permanent marker, the fork holes in the couch? How do I see the glow of creation in that pile of dumped sugar and the teeth marks on his brother’s back? How can I desire to cuddle him while I am cutting the petrified sucker out of the carpet that lies next to the puddle of honey deep underneath his bed? How does my motherly joy express itself as they push each other into a shelf filled with glass jars of pickles in the grocery store and then push the emergency exit only door open while I consider which shoes would be the most comfortable for his little feet? And dear Blessed of all women how do I act meek and humble when I lay out their dutifully washed somewhat matching, soft, flannel jammys only to find that in my 1 minute of absence from the bathroom the water covers the entire floor seeping down through the kitchen causing the light to short out and despite repeated, death threats and discipline have gleefully emptied the entire shampoo bottle in the tub, again! So how is it that I am supposed to be meek, humble, holy and loving… and sane?

What kind of mother were you? Mother to an infant who in the womb brought you shame and suffering. Mother of a boy who grew up in a carpenter shop… lot’s of tools and dirt and sweat. Mother to a boy who not only thought he knew more than you, he did! Mother to a boy who at 12 thought he could stay in a strange city alone without notifying you or dad and thought you should just understand. Mother to boy you could not afford to give much to. Mother to a man who brushed off your request, so you had to gently reaffirm your authority and remind him to respect and obey you. Which he did. Firm and gentle, reaffirm firmly and lovingly, constant and consistent. If I look into Christ’s eyes as I look into my child’s eyes the way Mary did, it will be a constant reminder to affirm and reaffirm my instructions, firmly and gently, which constrasts angrily and frustratedly…. Ouch.

Pillar of Virtue who I cannot possibly emulate, what did you model for mothers? To be: Humble, meek, peaceful, just, mournful (contrite), pure of heart (seeing goodness in all things), merciful, accept persecution, act for justice. Hmm, the plan for the kingdom of God. Really those are the attitudes that all Christians especially mothers are supposed to have? In Christ’s words… the sermon on the mount… I am doomed.
Humble: against my pride.
All right, but, how? Firm and gentle. Well isn’t that every mother’s goal? How? Perspective, perspective and attitude are everything I have told this to my older children repeatedly. What perspective? The five principles ~ everything is providential, (Pure in heart - ) seeing everything in goodness and humor… okay I can definitely use that. How can I encourage a struggling mother if I have no experiences with which to share? Now, that he is 24 my 2yo dragging his arm across 3 connected sheet cakes and harvesting the frosting into a bowl made of his arms and the colonel and his wife that laughed so hard I thought they were going to pee themselves is quite hysterical… perhaps they really needed the laugh that day and God in His wisdom knew I would survive the humiliation. I just noticed that humor and humiliation come from the same root… it means dirt. That is me dirt that God breathed life into. Humble… dirt, that I can emulate. If I am not so worried about how I appear to others my anger over my children’s behavior dissipates and my punishments become more training and habit forming, firm consistent. Yet consistency is my greatest challenge, it seems. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is week, no doubt. In Mary’s fiat where she is declared “Full of Grace…” her response to this is to clarify her position… “I am the handmaid of the Lord.” And when Elizabeth declares her to be “Blessed among all women…” Mary responds in kind,“He has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant.” Honestly? The very word servant and all that it encompasses does not evoke warm fuzzies or visions of noble goals. Truly it is not how a pragmatic, modern woman envisions herself as successful and emotionally healthy and triumphant. Yet, if I can begin to embrace the meaning of this concept, I begin to embrace the joy and intensity of purpose to which the Lord has called me… Father’s words have resonated within me for a couple years now… “my mother was never tired, she never tired of serving us.” It has irritated me and confounded me and I just keep passing it off as a son’s idealistic perspective of his saintly mother. But, once, just a smidge of this truth I found.
On Christmas Eve, so many cool things to do presents to wrap, food to prepare for the next day’s feast, picking up so that the impression of the sacredness of Christmas morning would be an additional gift to my husband and myself. Nearing an ungodly hour, I was exhausted, truly could not keep my eyes open and yet knowing no one would notice half the things I had done I didn’t feel unappreciated, instead of anger, a deep and peaceful sleep. Yes, my physical body was done for the day, but I wasn’t tired of serving I could have done more. Did I find every special and fun surprise for the stockings that I had hidden? Did I pull out the tablecloths so they would unwrinkle… lost thoughts as my consciousness quickly faded. Is this what you were speaking about? To never tire of serving, it is so much more than never experiencing a physical exhaustion, in fact when accompanied by such… no time for temptation, no time for insomnia, no time for worry or anxiety. Such gifts selfless service bring… how contrary to all my culture infuses into my understanding. Lord please “look with favor on the lowliness of your servant.”

Meek: This is tough I have to get in their faces to even get their attention. To quote Dr. Ray Guarendi –“some kids you have to shoot a bazooka over their heads every ten minutes or so just to get their attention.” I seem to have an abundance of “some kids” in my family. “God created us as unique individuals.” Thanks for reminding me of this Father Pinto. I sometimes relate to one kid or another’s plight and really punish the others who don’t “understand” them they way I do. Yet, even in my gentleness with the one and the firmness with the other I get agitated. My father told me that when he had six teenagers he stayed sane by not taking their antics and personality quirks personally. I wasn’t as successful with my three older kids. I took all their stuff personally and you know what they don’t remember half of it… they say “I didn’t do that or I did THAT all the time.” I look at my 4yo who we affectionately call Vinzilla he is a tough one and I mean tough, combative, aggressive. I think he must be like John the Baptist. I can only imagine St. Elizabeth.. You are doing what? Living in animal skins in the desert challenging all the social and political and spiritual stuff we taught you and eating what? Think of the neighbors and our family they will think we were terrible parents. But, boy was he tough. He told King Herod where to stuff it. Does that mean I don’t have to control everything about this boy and trust you that he is a unique creation and You have a plan? Firm and gentle and reaffirm. Train him with calm assurance that You O’ Creator of the Universe will take my offerings a a mother and perfect them. I think meekness might be anti-hypertension.

Merciful: Believe me… I am all day long, everyday.
At least I think I am… until I see a repeated behavior that I have disciplined for a 1000 times and feel my heart pound with anger and my voice gets loud. How dare they defy me again! I am speaking English, right? Do you want me to explain this slower or louder? I realized some time ago that sometimes they do disobey knowing there will be a consequence and consider that it may be worth it. Calmly make the consequence tougher, says my dad. “Calmly?” I scream into the phone. I remember that I gave God permission to use the brick or as some people say the two by four method. When He keeps trying to get your attention and you aren’t listening, you get socked in the back of the head or sideswiped by a serious consequence because the milder ones didn’t phase you. God be merciful to me! Oh dear, did you, my Blessed Mother think surely in all I have taught my son he could not possibly have gotten the impression that staying alone in a strange city was like, no big deal. The whole family, and I mean an entire caravan is inconvenienced, time, money, effort in just locating him, ouch. Be merciful Mary. I can just see this sheepish Jesus, but Mom you get to be the Queen of Heaven someday. This thought is in my mind as I put my 7 yo in the corner for taking food out of the kitchen for the millionth time. I smile at him “you will by in the corner for 15 minutes and if you take food into the den again I send you to the guillotine, okay that thought entered my mind but, I said, you will get a spanking, got it.” To whom much is given, much will be expected.” You have given me many charges and do expect me to train them. I remember Sally Clarkson telling a story about a little dog who ran a long a fence repeatedly barking. The yard was lush grass except the bare path. God revealed to her that is a mother’s duty to carve that clear path in her children’s minds with repeated instruction, over and over and over again, it need not be frustrating if that truly is what I am supposed to do there is joy and completion in doing it, repeatedly. And then I resumed my happy humming. I realized that in being calmly, consistent I am merciful to him and to me. Also, by not losing my temper and causing chaos in my home I acted as a peacemaker… this could work with fights too. So, tomorrow when I am tired and forget to be kind and calm, help me to accept your mercy O’ Great and Generous Lord and move on to next opportunity, which will probably be less that 5 minutes away.

Mournful Lovely Lady dressed in blue, did you lament over your weight and what you had to wear to the temple when you dutifully presented Jesus at 8 days old. Your desire to do what was expected, was it complicated by the desire to be who you thought you were expected to be? Pretty, thin, healthy, fit, creative, intelligent, a great cook, housekeeper, baby caretaker, gardener, budgeter, volunteer, wife, daughter, and most of all friend? How many noble hats we desire to wear and wear well! Yet, we are imperfect, sinful, undisciplined, overwhelmed, you name it we simply do not do all things to the degree that we aspire. There is disappointment, despair and mourning for our “failings.” I have heard “mournful” interpreted as sorrow over loss in many forms. I think it best described as both contrite sorrow over our own sin and of that of the world and the many consequences thereof especially the loss of souls and holiness. Kneeling in the confessional cradling my 8 week old baby I confessed that I had not done anything “holy” or “charitable” in a long while. He quizzed me on my current state in life. Hearing that I had five young children including a newborn caused him much mirth. Although glad he got some glee, I was not amused. Then he explained what holiness is. If God calls you to be a mother and you obey him. You are on the path to holiness. The toil which He gives you done consiensciously as possible, and lovingly and sometimes even joyfully is holiness. Right now said he… you are changing many poopy diapers and serving the defenseless and vulnerable. You are making them more comfortable with a clean diaper which is a very holy and charitable act. St. Tere’se’s Little Way. He created us men and women in His image… calls us to very differing roles, when we obey him, every job however, little be it setting the timer for corner time or delivering a glass of water to a child in bed, are indeed charity, holy and a cause for joy in heaven. If we do not try to be what we are not, or are not supposed to be, we simplify our duties and God’s grace for what we cannot accomplish covers the rest… and rest we receive with peace in our hearts and souls.

Justice mmh, many forms of justice does my heart seek, everything from comeuppance for the older brother who, sort of, didn’t mean to trip his sister and have her scrape her nose on the carpet to the freedom to practice christianity in the public forum because it is not a hobby! We belong to God. We and this universe could be called His hobby, it is His generosity and invitation that makes us His children! But, at times it feels as though the happenings in my life are unjust. Surely, my dear Queen you must have felt that having to deliver the Holy Infant in such meager and humble surroundings was unjust after you said your resounding YES to God. Surely, you must have thought it also unjust to have to flee with a small child after he was God, where were your miracles of protection? And surely, you must have thought it unjust to have to watch Him, the Word, Life and Love Itself suffer and die. But, perhaps, by then you were prepared, in the providentiality of all that you had endured, we know that everything has a purpose and in those persecutions you gathered all hid it in your heart, so that over and over and over as God pounded that path on your heart, mind and soul you were affirmed and reaffirmed of His faithfulness. Blessed Mother, my Queen what to say now? Ah of course, Hail Mary… over and over and over.

The Holiday That Wasn't

January 10, 2010 We have had some form of illness since a few days before Christmas. Have missed most of my absolute favorite days of the year... including 6 of my children's birthdays. Yes, as crazy as it sounds all 3 sets of twins were born the week of Christmas. It gets worse... the oldest set and the youngest all born on the same day Allie and Britt born at 12:01 and 12:02 on 12/20 and Gianna and Vin born at 12:11 and 12:12 on 12/20. If it wasn't a sin... I would be tempted to delve into numerology... there must be something to the numbers. But, of course it just means December is expensive and party, party time. Chris and Tessa were born on 12/28. So, obviously this is not the first December I have suffered isolation. Perhaps the whole seasonal affective disorder works well these circumstances because I have actually enjoyed the sleep, lots of board games with kids and much reduced outside activity. I did miss the holiday parties and caroling, but the Holy days did come and the sacredness of Christmas morning did arrive... as we rejoiced in Christ the ultimate gift.
The new year comes and with it new ways of doing things... new perspectives. New joys, new sorrows, new adventures.

Eat to live, not live to eat!

My father always said to eat to live not live to eat. I never understood this until recently. I watch my older children spend alot of money of ridiculous trendy food and alot of time preparing and making it well a truly pleasurable experience. This is great and exciting and I do this once in a while perhaps 2 or three times a week. I see them do this with every meal. It is expensive with both time and money. They are simply pleasure junkies who live to eat. Now I get what my dad was saying. Eat to live. It is much simpler and easy to eat healthy meals that are not a circus to prepare.

Organic Everything

Several of my friends are organic everything. Grow what you can, buy organic what you can't no matter what the price and if not then don't buy it or eat it. I sit on the fence. I do have an organic garden (meaning no pesticides other than apple cider vinegar and garlic) and I do buy organic, but I am unwilling to give up all processed food as I still have 7 kids 12 and under and it's just alot of physical work to feed that crowd. I am a post-modern gal and honestly the pre-civil war approach to homemaking exhausts me at times. Yes, I do bake alot of whole grain breads, but not all of my bread!
My girfriend and I do get frustrated at the availability and cost of natural wholesome foods there is literally one store in our metropolitan area and it is always packed... so we have decided to open another one. In our imaginary store everything would be organic, of course. The meat from local and local farmer's for produce a locavore store with vitamins and herbs as well... named 007 (Only Organic 7 days a week) ~ License to Heal. LOL well we thought it was cute. Isn't necessity the mother of invention. The only problem is... with this many kids and homeschooling, would have to give up sleep to run a business.

Gardening

Gardening is giving me a good nights sleep. Unfortunately going to sleep early... I wake up earlier. and then get tireder and go to sleep even earlier... etc. In the past week have planted an Almond tree, six blackberry bushes, two hydrangeas, 9 lilac bushes, 2 butterfly bushes and 7 rose bushes. Perhaps, I won't have to wait until our other house is sold in order for this place to look landscaped. But, even with all that it is a drop in the bucket. The question is... should one try to landscape three acres? The land is so beautiful and the trees... love the trees, I'm not really going for anything other than natural with a little stamp of color. The answer is no, of course don't try to landscape, just adding a bit to the natural beauty. Funny, didn't know I would enjoy gardening, but then didn't know I would love cooking or many other things... life is just beginning in my forties.

So I am doing this workshop for our homeschooling conference coming up this weekend. The workshop is designed to teach and encourage moms who are homeschooling while managing the needs and wants of toddlers and preschoolers. They say the best way to learn something is to teach others.
In preparation for the talk I have rediscovered all the tools which I used when I had 4 children under the age of 4 and older ones I had to teach. Ironically, it has re-inspired me to use the menagerie of activities and tools which I have surreptitously collected. I used to keep a list of these posted in our schoolroom. Not just to remind me of all these wonderful items, but so that I would actually pull them out and the little ones would benefit from their use. However, I find that posted list has disappeared and I have been rediscovering resources and having a grand time with my younger ones.
Of course, many of these things even the more common ones such as playdoh and blocks with pattern cards are adaptable to some of the older kids and this has engendered alot of none video playtime with their younger siblings. So Thankful for a task which has born so much fruit.

Spring 2008 just before Mariclaire's birth