Why self-examination is important!!!

No, this is not about breast cancer although that is an important type of self-examination as well. This is about the heart! My brother and I exchange indulgent obsessions. He writes about world economics (yawn) and I write about spirituality and religion (his yawn) but, out of love and respect we do read eachother's stuff. Lately he has depressed me to the point of despair in his reluctance to develop a prayer life. Although he is a convinced Catholic in his view point and a passionate pro-life activist he is rather infant like in his pursuit of God in the spiritual way. Not to say that he isn't pursuing God's will just not in the relationship aspect. I have been torturing him somewhat in my encouragement to maintain a conversation with God not in the "religious" way that is abhorrent to him, but in the way one speaks with their loving Father and listens to Him. In sending him quotes by many different teachers about prayer I sent him one by St. Augustine which states that our prayers are continual in that often they are that intense desire of our hearts heard by our Lord. Yes, of course, but that made me halt for a minute and think... what am I desiring? What intense and continual thoughts am I hurtling heavenward. Yea, not really all that pleased by that house cleaning job. But, again rejuvenated that intent to do a self-examination of heart not only before going to reconciliation (confession) but, daily, what are my motivations and what is occupying my thoughts... and why? Jus saying... might be good idea considering the truth of the euphemism "be careful what you ask for."

In Awe...

I don't have time to get depressed or distraught... I am constantly in awe over God's generosity and immense love. He so takes care of my family and this is almost creeeepily obvious with my parents. They have never made much money, but it has never made any difference I mean geez... God has everything... He made everything... He has bestowed thousands upon thousands randomly on my parents like 5 times in the last two decades and I am just wondering how the heck God has time to help anyone else when He is so busy blessing us? Oh yeah, that infinteness thing...

New Year's Resolutions

This is the first year in recent or even ancient memory that I have not made any New Year's Resolutions. That is any new ones... I have subconsciously decided that I would maintain my prior commitments to prayer, writing and focus on family. However, today the 22nd of Jan. I watched some videos of my two favorite health professionals. Dr. Oz and Dr. Mercola actually speaking to each other. They are both passionate about disease prevention and cure through healthy lifestyle and nutrition. These videos reminded me of my personal responsibility to care for my own "temple of the Holy Spirit." Sitting in gray January days I am sorely tempted to hibernate till sun doth warm the soil. But, am inspired by both of these guys' consistent call to health. So, I again decided to stay committed or recommit to yet another previous decision to eat healthy and exercise... even in the middle of the winter doldrums. Tommorrow morning should be interesting and stimulating... at least for my heart and lungs... sigh.
Important to check in frequently, with those who inspire you... whether they be saints or docs depending on the subject matter!

Temptation

My husband surprised me with a kindle for Christmas... like what was he thinking? I once saw a t-shirt with the moniker "Lead me not into temptation, especially bookstores!" I thought, Amen, that is my prayer. when we moved, it was with a little shame that 70 boxes of books made their way to the new house. Granted a lot of those were homeschooling books, but still, obsession with the written word, geez. I was trying to detach for awhile, from writing and inhaling written commmunication. So, is the kindle a neatly devised form of temptation? I do think so, but am comforted by the fact that most spiritual classics are practically free, most under $2. God has his quiet, snickering revenge, thinks I.

Chocolate ice cream

So, in confession recently, I was given the most erroneous... er wise advice by a priest who first laughed heartily at me. When one is sincere and sitting rather vulnerably in the hot seat as we view it, but more aptly sung about as the seat of mercy and the dispenser of God's grace erupts in a fit of laughter over your private sufferings it is morbidly humiliating. But, only for a few seconds if one is open to, perhaps another peek and view into their personal struggles.
He said and I quote "Well, if you were to get rather obsessed with chocolate ice cream for awhile and then got sick of it. Then simply stop eating it and over time the desire for it will come back..." This was not in response to any sensual or sexual reference btw. In fact, later after I recovered from his first fit of mirth he could see that I was a bit disconcerted and in his caring restrainingly held his cheeks still from guffawing over my question... "It was only by virtue of his much advanced age that I decided even to consider its value. Not that I don't trust younger priests to be the vessel of the Holy Spirit's wisdom, but this was a complex issue that I was much vexed over, his prescription was rather simple and basic for the level of my angst. However, I did exactly as he suggested and he was perfectly correct, of course. Chocolate ice cream, in form of the desire to serve my dear children in the manner of focused daily and unending education has returned and with such passion as I could not imagine it would. Thank you dear Lord for priests who have good wisdom and a sense of humor that aid in restoring my own.

Inspiration

Drove to Franklin, TN this weekend for a Writer's conference. A surprisingly, charming and bustling population center a hop and a skip south of Nashville. My very close friend, Debra, came with me and we, as always, seem to have an amazing sense of synchronicity. That is when not surrounded by all fifteen of our children (the total sum of our progeny.) Very few people in one's life are those in which hours of non-stop lively chatter can be comfortably punctuated by an hour of complete silence. If rest of body and soul is the aim and one is fortunate to find a companion of this measure beg, borrow or steal them away with you, it is most profitable. Perhaps it is the intrinsic understanding of large family mothering, hence the need for silence and mind frittering or that it is the familiarity that allows such a comforting relationship. It doesn't matter, it is the rather organic changes that occur within that reflect the value of such. The fruit born of this weekend in which time spent with two vastly different types of kindred spirits combined with metal stimulation and rest will undoubtedly ripen over time. However, before even arriving home a creative energy inspires the fulfillng of a long neglected task. God through nature has provided the most fantasaical fort on our land. It is the product of many decades, I can well imagine, of foliage overgrowth. The bushes and trees have melded and twisted into a large abode of rooms and a canopy roof with a fallen trunk serving as a lookout, there is, as unimaginable as it seems, even a thickly, gnarled vine the diameter of a small child's writst creating a perfectly formed arch as an entryway. By what means this amazing structure constructed itself is beyond me. The gift for my children is the stuff of dreams and fairies, it belongs in long forgotten bog in Northern Ireland where pixies territorially battle the faeiries and employ Shadowtail's cronies (our resident squirrel postman) to keep watch for predators... and yet it finds itself at the back of my property. So today I endeavor to clean it up and plant a flowery vine to wrap itself around the entryway arch and make it safe for the children's endless enjoyment. Why this particular impetus out of a writer's conference? Perhaps the restoration of the value of wonder!

Exercise

The obvious thing about exercise is that, much like money you must invest yourself to get the dividends. And dragging my children with me to Shelby Farms to traipse as quickly around the various trails as possible, I find two things: It is exhilarting and indeed pays off in energy payback. However, the additional energy thing... this applies to the children as well... didn't think of that...